Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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