Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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