I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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