yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
