she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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