just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This toilet bowl is my home.
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