i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
