Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
