just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
