I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
