i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
