Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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