i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The best revenge is premature balding
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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