a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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