Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
