i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
