I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
