Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there is glitter all over my balls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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