It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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