the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
