ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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