me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you never un-have a 4some
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
