You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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