its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
