Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
