I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
