Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
