Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
