Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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