I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
