Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize