Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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