i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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