I haven't been this sober since birth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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