no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
