Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you will always have a special place in my vag
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
