no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
