dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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