dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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