Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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