just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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