She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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