My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
