Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
