So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
