He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
