Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
