i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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