I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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