Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
