Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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