I'm gonna have a badass scar
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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