Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
