Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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