you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
