how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
