We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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