Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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