whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
