my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
