omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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